Training My Cats

I am pretty good at training my cats. I have trained my cats to do amazing things like form a cat parade to escort me from my master suite to the kitchen every morning. Okay, once in the kitchen, I feed them, but the parade is really cool. I look forward to it every day. I admit that the parade wasn’t actually my idea. The cats came up with it themselves, but still…

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Trying to take credit for training my cats to do this or any other amazing feat is like trying to take credit for training them to shred toilet paper or eat flies. My cats decidedly do both things, but I honestly had nothing to do with either one.

I guess, it is difficult for me to convincingly argue that I trained my cats to do anything except maybe train me. That’s right!

I am training my cats to train me.

They will never likely be a willing participant in getting trained, but they are more than willing to train me. I, on the other hand, get to choose if I am willing to participate in their training. That puts me in charge. Sort of.

For instance, my fluff ball of a cat named Callie will occasionally try to wake me up at 2:00 am for food. She’s not out of food, but it’s not completely fresh. She wants fresh food at 2 am. She paws my face. I roll over. She climbs on me. I ignore her. She curls up with her behind in my face. I roll over. Her attempt at training didn’t work.

Same morning, it is now 7 am. The same events occur. She still hasn’t touched the food because it is still not fresh. She paws my face. I open my eyes and look at her. I pet her before rolling over. She climbs on me. I pull my arms out of the blankets to pet her and hug her. She curls up with her behind in my face. Time for breakfast! I have willingly given Callie the power to train me to feed her at 7 o’clock after withholding that same power at 2 o’clock. I am in control.

Sasha has trained us to pet her with a meow. Taz has trained my husband to play with him any time Taz pretends to hide in my husband’s chair or behind our bed post. Winnie has trained me to pick him up and love on him whenever he puts his front paws on my knee. Noire has taught me to feed him on the kitchen chairs rather than the floor because he would rather not be near the other cats. Callie has trained me to give her one square of toilet paper whenever I visit the powder room. Once I forgot. I don’t forget anymore.

The cats train us to do things for them every day, but they are not the boss. We decide what we will be trained to do. We are in control…. of how our cats control us, but that still counts. Right?