The Adventures of Gertrude and Ethel – Part 1


Gertrude and Ethel are best of friends, but boy can these two older ladies get themselves into (and out of) some pretty sticky predicaments.

Gertrude had to visit the doctor the other day.  Gerty has a bad case of White Coat Syndrome.  Her blood pressure skyrockets whenever she has to see a doctor or dentist.  This day was no exception.  Gerty could just feel her blood pressure rising as she waited for her doctor.  When the doctor came in and told her that her blood pressure was just too high, she was not surprised.  After the appointment, they took her blood pressure again, and it had dropped considerably to her relief… but not surprise.

“Gerty, I am still not happy with your blood pressure spiking like that.  I want to up your blood pressure medicine.”  She knew her doctor meant business so she agreed.

The next day she found herself going the bathroom almost constantly.  Ethel who was visiting from out-of-town couldn’t help but to notice.

“Gerty, you had better drink a lot of water to replace all that you’re losing in the bathroom.”  Ethel has a way of fussing at Gerty in a way that can only come from love.   Gerty tries to take Ethel’s advice, but she was really just sipping a little water here and there.  It wasn’t near enough.

Fastforward to the next evening.

Gerty and Ethel were both exhausted from a hectic, but fun, day together.  They both decide to turn in and begin their evening rituals.  Gerty’s rituals take a turn really quickly.

Gerty is struck by stomach pains unlike any she has ever experienced.  She begins to feel light-headed, sick to her stomach, and almost like she could faint.

“Ethel!” Gerty calls from the other side of the house.  “I think I need you to go buy me an enema from the drug store down the street.”

Ethel could see the distress written all over Gerty’s face so without hesitation, she climbed into her car and went to pick up the enema for her friend.

Gerty did not want to have to ask Ethel to give her the enema.  Even great friendships have their limits.  This would have at least pushed it.  Gerty gets on the phone, and, choking back tears from the pain, called her daughter Patty who was all too delighted to get to bond with her mother (or totally grossed out, but she went anyway).

Naturally, Ethel got back before Patty arrived, but was unable to hide her relief to hear that Patty would be taking care of it.

Patty arrives.  Gerty gives her the first enema (yep, that says “first”).  At first, it was like trying to squirt water through solid marble.  Eventually, she was able to use the enema in its recommended fashion.

Ethel is sitting off to the side giving Patty recommendations and trying not to look.  Although, quite frankly, it is nothing new.  The first time they met each other decades earlier, Gerty had a bug go down her mu-mu.  Gerty danced around hysterically before throwing her gown off in absolute terror and revealing to her brand new neighbors that she had nothing on underneath.  When you have seen someone naked on your first meeting, the friendship tends to have a much deeper dynamic.  Such is definitely the case with these two.

Gerty ran to the bathroom, but NOTHING.  The second enema was just as difficult as the first.  However, after it was administered, there was relief this time.  Hallelujah!  A choir of angels sang.  The sun seemed to shine through the bathroom in the middle of the night.  All was right in Gerty’s world.

That’s when it hit her.  She had been in so much pain that this certainly was not a laughing matter… until now.  Now, it is hysterical.  Gerty and Ethel laughed and joked about the absurdity of the whole situation.

It certainly was not the visit they were picturing, but it is rather typical for those two.  One thing is for certain, Gerty and Ethel always expect and embrace the unexpected.


About Trisha

Trisha Kilpatrick is a homeschooling mother of three. She has a degree in Education with a double major in Elementary and Special Education, but she is more proud of her countless hours of volunteer work in Children's Church. She believes that all children can learn and that, in life, simple is almost always best. *Affiliate links are used on this site. I may be compensated when you click on or buy from these links. If you have any questions, you can contact me at questions@trishadishes.com .

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